I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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