hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
