no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
