im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
