It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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