u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
