If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
