the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
