It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
