remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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