dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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