WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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