Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
