we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
