i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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