A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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