You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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