So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This house was built for laser tag.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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