His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize