Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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