im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
