Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
