If i come over, it means nothing
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
