The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
