I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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