Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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