Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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