Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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