My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
