hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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