Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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