Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
