make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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