Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
