and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize