matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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