My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We are all done wearing pants today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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