Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
BRING THE BAGELS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
