mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
