Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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