just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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