Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
