it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
