9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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