i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
