I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
