last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
