Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
