He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
