we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
