Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
