this beer tastes like vomit already
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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