id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
