Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
