Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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