Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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