On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
