Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
