i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
