I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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