Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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