Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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