Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
