yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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