I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
