So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
