What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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