i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
