end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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