so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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