you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize